Breaking Seamus
by lolasail4
Summary: Some moments change you forever. For Seamus, this was the moment that changed his life most painfully, but lead him to a place he never thought he'd end up.
1. Chapter 1: Shatter

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please dont sue!

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**Chapter One: Shatter**

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As Seamus sat on his bed in the tower flipping through quidditch weekly, he didn't know that this evening would be the beginning of the worst moments of his life.

Dean Thomas walked into his room in a very bad mood. Seeing Seamus sitting alone, Dean walked over and sat on his legs. Seamus yelled his displeasure, but upon seeing the look on his face quickly quieted and asked him what was wrong.

"Ginny dumped me" Dean said flatly, not noticing the odd look that came to his friends eye as he said that. "She said it was because I treated her like she was a fragile child who couldn't do anything, but I know why. It was because of Harry. I've seen the way he's been looking at her recently, and I bet she has too. And after all who would choose me over the great Harry Potter." Dean continued miserably.

Seamus couldn't believe what he was hearing. Ginny left Dean! Ginny left Dean! His mind kept yelling triumphantly. Seamus knew he shouldn't be so happy when his friend was so sad, but this thing with Ginny had been killing him for months. Then when Dean said "Who would choose me…?" the words seemed to go straight through his mind and right to his heart, because with out thinking, which was something that often happened to Seamus, he said "I would." And when Dean looked up at him, Seamus couldn't help it. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to his best friends. It was the best moment of his life, which was quickly followed by the worst.

"What the Bloody Hell! Disgusting, What in Merlins name are you… ugh… I'm I'm not a, a fairy!" Dean yelled scrambling up and away from the Irishman. Seamus recovered his mind rather quickly despite his lips still seeming to tingle where they had been pressed to Deans. He recovered enough to plaster on a fake grin and say, "Nor am I, I was only messin with ye mate", even though his chest felt like it was caving in and he was going to throw up.

"Why?" Dean exclaimed. "Somethin needed ta be takin yer mind off a that girl, not use be in mopin over her, and yer a fool if ye think Harry is the source of all that girl's issues." Seamus told him. Dean shook is head back and forth seeming to accept this as just Seamus being Seamus and with an exasperated smile replied, "you bloody tosser" and laughed. Seamus gave his…friend… a wink and announced, "well now that that's settled, I needa piss an a shower."

What Seamus really needed was to get out of the room, before his fake smiles became far too obvious. What he needed was the sounds of the shower to cover up the gasps that seemed about ready to break free. What he needed was to not cry, because blokes didn't cry. But then again, most blokes weren't in love with their best mates. Their very Male best mates. And Seamus wondered what kind of dark curse could feel worse than this. He bet there wasn't one.

Seamus turned away just in time, because his face would have been a dead giveaway to the state of his mind. As he neared the adjoined bathroom his pace increased, even though he knew he could not run like he wanted to.

He turned on the shower and quickly shed his clothes, his breathing becoming labored. Seamus felt like he couldn't get enough air in his lungs. Soon his whole body was shaking as he stepped into the shower. Fists clenched at his side, the Irishman tried to rein in his emotions, and he utterly failed.

Gasping sobs poured from his lips, his eyes red and wet not just from the shower spray. Dean's words echoed in his head, like a funeral march. His knees getting weak, Seamus slid to the floor, cutting his left arm on the shower knob in the process. The red swirls washing down the drain were oddly therapeutic. Seamus watched them with a numb sort of detached curiosity. The sharp pain in his arm acting as a kind of block from the excruciating pain in his heart. It slowly became easier to breathe.

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Please Review, I'm new to this and could use the advise!! Let me know if I should post the rest, or let it be as a one shot. I'm my own beta so please excuse any mistakes, and thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2: Friendships

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please dont sue!

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**Chapter Two: Friendships**

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"Gasping sobs poured from his lips, his eyes red and wet not just from the shower spray. Dean's words echoed in his head, like a funeral march. His knees getting weak, Seamus slid to the floor, cutting his left arm on the shower knob in the process. The red swirls washing down the drain were oddly therapeutic. Seamus watched them with a numb sort of detached curiosity. The sharp pain in his arm acting as a kind of block from the excruciating pain in his heart. It slowly became easier to breathe. "

Seamus sat on the shower floor for a long time holding his arm. Stepping out, he dried off, ran a towel over his head, and pulled on a pair of old maroon sweatpants. Glancing up he could see nothing in the foggy mirror, so he ran his hand over the glass revealing his reflection. His eyes were still a bit red, but not too noticeable. Though there would be no telling how he would react if Dean was out there in the room.

Mustering up some of the courage implied in his house's namesake, Seamus stepped out the door of the loo and into his dorm. He gave a big sigh of relief seeing no one there, and proceeded to flop down on his four poster bed drawing the curtains closed.

What Seamus didn't know, was that he wasn't as alone as he thought. Neville had been walking out of the loo earlier and was shocked at what he saw. Seamus' confession and kiss. Dean's disgust and Seamus' denial. He had walked back into a stall before Seamus had entered the loo. Neville had listened to Seamus' gasping sobs and knew that he had lied to Dean. Neville wasn't sure what to think.

After a few minutes, Neville had snuck out of the loo and walked over his to his bed. Dean had already left the room, probably to go work on that History of Magic essay due in a few days. Neville supposed he should go to the library and get to work on it as well, but he knew he'd get no work done. It was all very confusing. He didn't know what he felt about it all, except that he felt bad for Seamus. The quiet boy and the voracious Irishman had never been as extremely close as some of the others in the dorm. But Seamus had always been kind to Neville, and had on several occasions stood up for him when others had been teasing him.

In fact just about a month ago, Seamus had vanished the nose of a passing Ravenclaw that had referred to Neville as "that bumbling idiot". Seamus had probably forgotten all about it, it was a minor incident. But Neville never forgot those kind of things. It had meant more to him than the Irishman would ever know.

Neville was a kind hearted boy, and yearned for friendship and acceptance. His life had been harder than most. The after effects of the momentary crucio held on him as a baby, before his parents had managed to get him to a safe room in their house, had left his mind slightly damaged. His memory and coordination skills mostly. But his parents had saved him, sacrificing themselves to do so. Neville lived everyday trying to make their sacrifice worthwhile. It was his courage to never give up, and his tremendous heart that had landed him in the house of the lions. In pondering the situation with his friend, he tried to think of what his parents would do.

Sitting behind his curtains on his bed, he decided that it didn't bother him that Seamus was or might be queer. Seamus was his friend and that's all that mattered. Compassion was at the root of Neville's heart, but the shy boy wasn't sure about how to approach Seamus with his new found knowledge. After a while, he decided that he would just watch out for the Irishman. If or when Seamus decided to tell Neville or everyone, he would be there to support his friend, even if the whole concept of homosexuality was foreign to him. Neville might not understand it, but he would support Seamus regardless.

Later that evening across the room, Seamus lay on his bed staring up at nothing in particular. He still felt like his chest had caved in. His thought's were like a never ending regretful mantra. "Why did I do that? Why did I do that? WHY DID I DO THAT?" He thought that kissing Dean had been the stupidest thing he had ever done. Seamus was a compulsive person and had acted without thinking through the consequences yet again. And this time, it had hurt him more than anything else ever had.

For the next several hours he tried to think of what he would say and how he would act when Dean got back to the dorm. The Irishman hoped that his best mate still believed that Seamus had only been joking. Seamus decided that he was going to have to be extra comical or just start avoiding Dean for a while all together until the hole in his chest went away and he could breathe again.

When Dean got back later, Seamus just feigned sleep. So, avoiding it is.

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Please review and thanks for reading! (Yay I got a review! fire-elements101 thanks for the review, I can never say no to puppy dog eyes!)


	3. Chapter 3: Annoying Girls

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Three: Annoying Girls**

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"For the next several hours he tried to think of what he would say and how he would act when Dean got back to the dorm. The Irishman hoped that his best mate still believed that Seamus had only been joking. Seamus decided that he was going to have to be extra comical or just start avoiding Dean for a while all together until the hole in his chest went away and he could breathe again.

When Dean got back later, Seamus just feigned sleep. So, avoiding it is."

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It was late; Seamus hadn't been able to sleep. Tossing and turning Seamus grumbled.

"You know, you're cute when you're grumpy and sleepy." Dean suddenly said. Seamus startled badly, nearly falling out of his bed. Dean sat on the quietly laughing at his friend. Seamus who is rarely embarrassed started to flush, and was glad that it was pretty dark, the only light behind his drawn curtains emitting from Dean's wand.

"Whaa?" Seamus started, but Dean held up a hand. "Wait, Seamus there's something I have to say."

The Irishman nodded and let his friend continue. Taking in a deep slow breath, Dean quietly said, "I was wrong, before… I… I was startled by… I didn't expect you to kiss me, it took me off guard."

Seamus interrupted "But I told you, I was just mess…" Dean cut him off "No, no you weren't."

"I know you better than that Shay. After five years, you can't lie to me anymore, besides you are a horrible liar." Dean laughed.

Seamus ducked his head, unable to meet hit best mate's eyes.

Dean continued, "Anyway, like I said, I was wrong. I was wrong. Wrong about… wrong about being… straight. I couldn't stop thinking about you, and what happened, and I realized something."

Seamus' eyes were open wide in shock as Dean confessed, "It's you. You're why Ginny and I broke up. We weren't working because I… I had feelings for someone else. And I kept treating Ginny like she was fragile cause I wanted to hold on to her, because that was normal. And my feelings for someone else…they aren't normal."

For once, Seamus was speechless.

Dean crawled up beside his best friend and said quietly, "My feelings, are for you."

A brilliant smile broke out on his face just before he felt Dean's lips cover his own. They were as soft and wonderful as Seamus remembered. He was in heaven.

Moaning, Seamus tried to pull Dean closer to him, but for some reason couldn't quite reach. The Irishman desperately tried to grab a hold of him, but caught nothing but air. Opening his eyes in frustration, Seamus found himself alone in his bed.

Cold sweat covered his body, he was alone, utterly let down, and now had a "problem" to take care of. Simply put, Seamus felt like crap. Grabbing his wand from the pocket in his curtain, Seamus whispered a tempus spell. It was 4:47 in the morning. He groaned. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep after that particular dream, Seamus slid out of bed and padded quietly across the room into the loo. He decided that a very cold shower was in order.

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It had been three days since "the kissing incident" as Seamus liked to label it. Three very very long days. Seamus had taken to avoiding Dean in a multitude of ways. During meals, he would feign ravenousness hunger, and stuff his mouth. Eating so much as to avoid talking. This typically disgusted Lavender, whom Seamus had taken to flirting with at extravagant length. He figured Dean wouldn't figure out his secret if it appeared he was after a bird. And even though Seamus was strictly gay, he had eyes. Eyes that made it fairly obvious that Lavender Brown had an extraordinarily large chest. Many of the Gryffindor males speculated that they had been enhanced with charms.

So, he figured Lavender would be a good choice to "fancy". Along with those "assets", she was single, and completely uninterested in Seamus. Which was perfectly fine with Seamus. An unrequited crush was the perfect cover, cause he'd never have to actually touch her. Ew.

Also, since she had no feelings for the Irishman, she wouldn't get hurt. Mostly she was just really really annoyed with Seamus a large portion of the time. He could deal with being annoying.

The other members of his house found his antics very amusing. On Monday he had transfigured a bunch of mushrooms into a bouquet of lavenders, and bribed a first year girl with chocolate to put them on Lavender's bed. She had been quite taken with the cliché gift until the flowers had turned back into mushrooms. Seamus really needed to work on his transfiguration.

On Tuesday, He had sent her a box of chocolates at lunch. A seemingly good idea quickly turned bad, when the delivery owl dropped the box in her soup, soaking her. It got even worse when she opened them, took a bite and immediately spit the chocolate out. Turns out Lavender is extremely allergic to nuts.

At this point Seamus decided gifts were a very bad idea. So he wrote her a poem, and recited it for her at dinner. The other Gryffindors were in hysterics after the third line. Seamus is a very bad poet. But not easily dissuaded.

So today, Seamus had asked Lavender to accompany him to Hogsmead that weekend. She politely turned him down. Seamus asked her a good twenty times that day. Each time she gave him a ruder answer. Seamus had taken to sitting next to her in the common room, and complimenting her every five minutes.

Lavender seemed to like the complimenting bit, but was overall very tired of him. It was a good thing the girl didn't hit very hard, because his arm was already really sore. Seamus was glad that he hadn't taken to flirting with Bulstroad.

Most of his time being taken up with Lavender related issues, he didn't have to talk to Dean very much. Which was nice. When he couldn't follow Lavender, Seamus started doing homework. Lots and lots of homework. He had never been this caught up on his work before. In fact, in Charms today, he had been able to answer a question that only Hermione Granger beside himself, had raised a hand to answer. She had looked quite put out, and Dean had given him a very odd look.

Flickwit had beamed at him though, and awarded his house ten points. That evening, after Lavender had fled to her dorm room to escape him, Seamus had taken off for the library. When questioned about his sudden academic interest by his best mate, the Irishman had muttered something about Lavender and ran off.

It was going to be a very long term.

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Author's notes: Thanks for the review Aquila Corax! And sorry for anyone who was annoyed by the "dream sequence… but I just wanted to get a little more deamus in there… plus you know how boys are…they dream… Ok well please review, let me know how I'm doing, I could use the feedback! Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4: Study Habits

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Four: Study Habits**

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"That evening, after Lavender had fled to her dorm room to escape him, Seamus had taken off for the library. When questioned about his sudden academic interest by his best mate, the Irishman had muttered something about Lavender and ran off.

It was going to be a very long term."

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Dean was confused. It had been about two weeks since he and Ginny had broken up. It had been about that long since he and Seamus had spent more than five minutes together. His erratic best mate had taken whole-heartedly to a campaign of wooing Lavender Brown. And said campaign was not going well. But then Seamus was never one to give up. When questioned by Dean about his lack of success, the Irishman had told him that he was "wearing her down".

Seamus was wearing HIM down. All he wanted was to spend some time goofing off with his best mate. And even more strange than Seamus' sudden fixation on Lavender, was his newfound obsession with studying.

Every time Lavender managed to evade him, the Irishman had fled to the library. Seamus was rarely in the common room anymore unless he was glued to her side. Dean was really starting to worry about his friend.

Aside from the abrupt change in behavior, Seamus also looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. And every time Dean managed to corner him about it, the Irishman had waved him off or changed the subject.

Dean was at a loss of what to do.

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Seamus was so very tired. So very very tired. But sleep was the absolute last thing he wanted to do. If he wasn't asleep, then he couldn't dream. And lately all his dreams were the same.

Dean would confess his love or lust for Seamus, and they would start kissing. But the second he tried to reach for Dean, he would grab nothing but air. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't touch the other boy, he was like smoke. These dreams left him unfulfilled and depressed.

Even worse was the terror. Seamus was absolutely terrified that everyone would find out he wasn't straight. After Dean's initial reaction, he had a feeling it would not go over well. If his best mate was repulsed by homosexuality, what hope was there for Seamus that anyone else would accept him?

So Seamus continued to plague Lavender Brown, and continued to avoid Dean wherever possible. He spent a lot of time in the library these days. Which had been great for his marks. He had never done so well in school before, but outside of pestering Lavender, Seamus didn't talk to many people.

Hermione Granger kept shooting him odd looks, and he was really rather lonely in his self-imposed isolation from his best friend. Which is why, one particular afternoon instead of sitting alone in a corner of the library, he approached Granger.

She was sitting alone at a large table in the corner, surrounded by a vast pile of books, and taking notes at a furious pace from one particularly large tome, which probably weighed more than she herself did.

"This seat taken?" Seamus asked abruptly, which startled Hermione into almost falling off of her chair.

"No I suppose not." She replied with an aggrieved sigh.

The Irishman took a seat nest to her and unloaded a few books, a roll of parchment, a quill, and some ink. Opening his Charms text, Seamus began making an outline for an essay that wasn't due for two weeks. Needless to say, the bright Gryffindor girl was shocked.

"You're starting this early?" She asked incredulously.

Seamus glanced over at the girls work, "So? Looks like ye've already finished."

Hermione sputtered "but but but… that's different.!"

"Is it now?" the Irishman replied raising one eyebrow.

"Yes. Yes it is." She stated.

"Well then Miss Brilliance, I needa help with this part here," Seamus said pointing to a paragraph in his book, "Ye mind givin me a hand?"

Her academic senses tingling, Hermione leaned over and began to explain the section he had indicated with a clarity that made Seamus wonder why Harry and Ron didn't have better marks. The girl was a natural born teacher.

With her help, Seamus was able to understand the concepts with an ease he had never before experienced. When he went to write his essay about an hour later, it took him half the time as normal, and he was sure he'd get a better grade. Needless to say, when he was done he thanked the girl profusely.

Hermione had blushed at his praise. About this time Lavender wandered into the library. Spotting her, Hermione gave him an amused glance. "Now that your essay is done, shouldn't you be tailing Lavender?"

Seamus laughed for the first time in two weeks.

"That be my cue, and thanks again." He said with a wink.

Hermione watched as the droll Irishman sauntered up to Lavender and told her that her robes were so fine that Malfoy must be jealous. Hermione laughed quietly behind her book.

It had been wonderfully entertaining to listen to Lavender fret over the boy at night in the dorm room they shared. Hermione found Seamus' antics very funny, even if her roommate did not. She wished Ron would give her even a bit of that kind of attention… not that she'd ever admit it.

If Lavender was annoyed, serves her right for wearing that Bevanies Bust Boost Bra.

Honestly.

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Thanks for the reviews ProperT, Hermione0Weasley, and Fire elements! Not so much deanseamus interaction in this chapter… but well Seamus is avoiding him. Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!


	5. Chapter 5: Montage

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Five: This chapter is like a montage… it moves time forward**

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"Hermione watched as the droll Irishman sauntered up to Lavender and told her that her robes were so fine that Malfoy must be jealous. Hermione laughed quietly behind her book.

It had been wonderfully entertaining to listen to Lavender fret over the boy at night in the dorm room they shared. Hermione found Seamus' antics very funny, even if her roommate did not. She wished Ron would give her even a bit of that kind of attention… not that she'd ever admit it.

If Lavender was annoyed, serves her right for wearing that Bevanies Bust Boost Bra. Honestly."

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Over the next several days, Seamus began spending more and more time with Hermione doing homework in the library, and just talking in general. He found it was quite easy to get the girl going off on a topic, and all he'd have to do was sit and listen. It was a nice distraction. It took his mind of Dean and other issues.

For Hermione, it was very pleasant as well. She finally had someone who was generally interested in what she had to say, and whose eyes didn't glaze over when she spoke about anything academically. She loved her friends Harry and Ron, but sometimes they were so… "uninterested in intellectual topics" would be a nice way of putting it.

It was refreshing for her to have someone pay attention, and enjoy what she had to say. Seamus even contributed where he could and asked thoughtful questions! Hermione had severely underestimated the Irishman's intellect.

For his part, Seamus was learning a lot. His teachers seemed quite shocked at his sudden improvement. It was actually quite amusing.

Dean continued questioning Seamus about his increased time in the library. Seamus mostly brushed his friend off, making vague excuses about his ma threatening various types of bodily harm if he didn't improve his marks. The artistic boy was fairly sure his friend was lying. In fact, Dean began to suspect that Seamus was interested in Hermione romantically.

Dean wasn't the only one. Ron had taken to glaring at the Irishman every time he came into his line of vision. Which was quite often seeing as they shared a dorm room. Things became tense between Hermione and the youngest Weasley son.

Harry was sure this was going to result in a quite spectacular row between Ron and Hermione. Seamus however, didn't seem to notice.

Though spending time with the brilliant Gryffindor girl, studying, and chasing after Lavender occupied a great deal of time, Seamus still spend quite a few hours alone.

He had taken to wondering the castle, even sneaking out at night because he couldn't sleep. He was very lucky to not have been caught yet.

His appetite had also continued to wane, and the Irish boy was losing weight at a very unhealthy rate. In short, Seamus Finnigan was falling apart.

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Just a short one… next chapter up soon , sorry for anyone who read the wrong version of this chapter that I accidentally posted earlier!

Thanks for the reviews Aquila Corax, and Hermione0Weasley! ProperT… you gave me a great idea… hermione IS very clever I hadn't thought of her figuring anything out… And Asher, very true, I know I dream of deamus…. Sorry That was a really bad joke lol


	6. Chapter 6: Shame

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Six: Shame**

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"Though spending time with the brilliant Gryffindor girl, studying, and chasing after Lavender occupied a great deal of time, Seamus still spend quite a few hours alone.

He had taken to wondering the castle, even sneaking out at night because he couldn't sleep. He was very lucky to not have been caught yet.

His appetite had also continued to wane, and the Irish boy was losing weight at a very unhealthy rate. In short, Seamus Finnigan was falling apart."

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At Hogwarts, secrets were not easily kept. Private lives were not often left private. And everyone's personal business was fodder for gossip. The better known students were often a large target to the rumor mill. And today, a very well known student had a bulls eye on his back.

There are a huge amount of empty places, nooks and corners in which students of Hogwarts carry out illicit liaisons. However, they are not always guaranteed to remain private. For one unfortunate student, this was all too true.

And the news was buzzing all over the castle.

"did you hear?"

"Yeah and they were completely starkers!"

"…caught by Flickwit who was escorting a couple of Ravenclaw second years to detention! Can you imagine! Those kids will be scarred for life!"

"hahaha what?"

"Disgusting faggot…."

"No! Really?!"

"Yeah, he was bent over a shelf taking it up the arse!"

"….but the other guy had his head turned….. nobody saw his face…. Ran off before Flickwit could stop him."

"…so gross"

"….and he was left there, naked, arse in the air."

"…must have been a shock for…"

"…wonder who the other guy was…"

"Ew!!!!!!"

"Not all that surprising, I mean look at his robes!"

"His robes? Look at his hair! Clearly a nance."

"…bet he'll get disowned for this…"

"…detention for a month…"

"… and he just stood there frozen like…"

"Well, I heard that…"

"Malfoy haha more like Mal-fairy!"

"Mal-fairy!"

"Mal-fairy!"

"……………………………………………………"

Simple put, it was the worst day of Draco Malfoy's life.

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Seamus wasn't having a great day either. All over the castle whispers about Malfoy drifted from every corner. And along with them, words like faggot, and disgusting, and other even more foul expletives. As if he wasn't already insecure about being gay.

This was bad. Seamus kept quiet most of the day. It was hard feeling bad for a git like Malfoy, but he did. The Irishman had nightmares about just this thing happening to him. The hours seemed to drag on, until exhausted Seamus made his way back to the tower and climbed the stairs to his dorm room.

Upon entering, Seamus was subjected to Ron carrying on about Malfoy.

"Weasley is our king? Haha well next match I'm gonna start singing Malfoy is our queen!"

Despite himself, Seamus did find that a bit funny, and let out a snort.

Ron turned to him, expecting the usually witty Irishman to have a comment of his own, but Seamus pretended not to notice, and went over to his bed.

"It's disgusting is what it is." Dean commented.

Seamus tried not to wince, as Ron continued making jokes at Malfoy's expense, and Dean commented on how sickening homosexuality was. Harry didn't say much at all, just sort of looked thoughtful.

Neville walked into the room just as Dean was saying, "Not only is it revolting, but it's so immoral. Figures a junior death eater is a faggot, the whole lot is utterly perverted."

Seamus had gone pale, only Neville seemed to notice.

The quiet boy suddenly became very angry.

"You… you are awful! That is a horrible thing to say! Just because Malfoy is a bloody git doesn't mean all gay people are!" Neville yelled.

Dean looked at him in shock, the whole room going very quiet.

"But it's wrong…" Dean started to say, but was interrupted.

"What if it was me Dean, What if I was gay? Would you hate me?" Neville continued.

Ron spoke up "You're gay?"

"No, but that's not the point! What if it was Harry? Would you be making such awful jokes? What if one of your friends was gay? How do you think it would make them feel to hear you this way, and how do we know there isn't any gay students in Gryffindor?" He exclaimed.

"It's not right to be so cruel. It doesn't matter what it's about, words can really hurt people." Neville snorted, "I would know."

"I actually feel bad for Malfoy, do you guys have any Idea what it's like to be looked down on, to be made fun of every damn day, for something you can't help? I'll tell you it's not a good feeling. I don't care if the remark is Fairy or as people seem to like to call me, fat arsed idiot. You guys should be better than that. Do you really want to be that kind of person, those gay jokes are cruel. I'm ashamed of you, I'm …. I'm disappointed in your lack of compassion." Neville finished.

Dean looked unconvinced, "Neville, that's different. People saying mean things to you is just that, mean. But being gay, It's wrong… its… its a sin!"

Neville looked up at him sadly and replied quietly, "but Dean, doesn't your religion say witchcraft is evil too?"

Dean seemed to have a hard time with this, and didn't respond. He did get a very thoughtful look on his face, but it wasn't one that Seamus saw. Dean simply looked away from Neville, crawled into his bed, and shut the curtains.

Ron and Harry seemed genuinely effected by Neville's impassioned words. It wasn't often the quiet boy got angry. It was even more rare that he stood against and argued with anyone in the room. In almost six years, Neville had never once yelled anything at anyone in Gryffindor house.

Harry nodded his head and spoke up for the first time during the exchange. "I don't know, my Uncle has always said that gay people are perverted freaks. But he also says that about wizards. I guess I don't really care, I mean it's not like Malfoy is going to hit on me." Harry said and pulled an awful face at the notion of Malfoy hitting on him.

Ron laughed at the look on Harry's face.

"Hermione said to lay off of him, but he's such a git! I don't hate him cause he's a nance, I hate him cause he makes fun of my family all the time, why shouldn't I fight back?" Ron exclaimed.

"She might be right, he's probably so mean cause he's insecure about himself, and takes it out on others." Neville replied.

Ron rolled his eyes, "Oh whatever, I'm goin to bed, night."

Neville sighed, and tried not to look at Seamus too much. In the flash of his expression that he did see, Seamus looked absolutely dreadful.

The Irish boy had been rooted to the spot in which he now stood since the beginning on the conversation. Closing his eyes briefly, he took in a deep breath in an effort to calm himself before walking over into the loo.

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It was oddly reminiscent of the night when Ginny broke up with Dean. Seamus turned on the shower with a shaking hand. He had actually thrown up in the toilet a moment before. The hole in his chest that had formed after he had kissed Dean a few weeks ago, had now become a gaping cavern.

He felt ripped apart. Neville's words had been a consolation, but it wasn't enough. His best mate, the person he was in love with, thought he was evil. As bad as the death eaters, a pervert. Disgusting. Dean would never accept him.

It hurt so very badly. As Seamus entered the shower, he didn't even attempt to stop the tears. He openly began to weep. As he leaned against the shower's walls for support he noticed the scar from the cut on him arm he had made a few weeks ago on the shower knob. He remembered the odd peace the pain had brought him, and longed for that feeling again. Seamus longed for any feeling that was different from the hurt in his cheast.

Sliding his hand out the door, he grabbed his wand. Seamus remembered a cutting hex he had read about during one of his recent stints in the Library. He had thought it might be useful for when his ma made him do yard work the next summer. But now he had a different idea in mind.

The thin cut on the inside of his upper arm stung, but it helped. Once again, the red swirls washing down the drain were oddly therapeutic.

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Hermione Granger prided herself on being a very observant person. And what she currently was observing was really disconcerting.

Seamus had become a fairly good friend over the past few weeks. Although she hadn't spent hardly any time with him in the past, she felt like she had now gotten to know him pretty well. He was intelligent, thoughtful, kind, and very funny.

What bothered her was that she had always thought of him as a very lighthearted person. Though she hadn't spoken to him much over the years, Seamus' laughter was something frequently heard in the common room. It wasn't very often that the Irishman didn't have a smile on his face. And Seamus had always been extremely boisterous and outgoing.

But now… he had become very quiet. His easy smiles weren't there any more, and though she heard him laugh occasionally during their time together, it was infrequent. Seamus had always been a very social person, but now… now he kept mostly to himself. Well, other than herself and Lavender. He kept himself very close to Lavender. Hermione still found this quite funny.

But she felt something was wrong. It all seemed like an act. Hermione wasn't at all sure how Seamus would react if Lavender ever responded kindly to his advances. She had the feeling he might run in the opposite direction. This bothered her, since she couldn't figure out why he was so persistent with the girl if he wasn't really interested. It didn't make any sense.

And Seamus didn't look very healthy. He had large bags under his eyes that seemed to get worse everyday, and seemed to be losing weight. Every time she mentioned something, he closed off, and her newfound friendship was too tenuous. She didn't want to drive him away. Still she worried.

Dean and Neville noticed these things as well, and also became increasingly worried about their weary friend.

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Reviews are my muse! (as are bad puns), thanks for reading! Any critiques are awesome, especially since I have no beta. Please go re-read chapter five if you read the outline version I accidentally posted earlier! Sorry about that!

As I was planning this one out, I was all like "Who am I gonna make gay?" My immediate though was a random hufflepuff. Which leaves me pondering my own brain and: Why do I think hufflepuffs are gay? ….. I dunno, maybe it's the name? I'm glad I went with Malfoy though. What do you think?


	7. Chapter 7: To Be A Malfoy

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Seven: To Be A Malfoy**

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"But she felt something was wrong. It all seemed like an act. Hermione wasn't at all sure how Seamus would react if Lavender ever responded kindly to his advances. She had the feeling he might run in the opposite direction. This bothered her, since she couldn't figure out why he was so persistent with the girl if he wasn't really interested. It didn't make any sense.

And Seamus didn't look very healthy. He had large bags under his eyes that seemed to get worse everyday, and seemed to be losing weight. Every time she mentioned something, he closed off, and her newfound friendship was too tenuous. She didn't want to drive him away. Still she worried.

Dean and Neville noticed these things as well, and also became increasingly worried about their weary friend. "

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It's odd how sometimes life can change so completely and so quickly. From the second that he was caught with his male lover Draco, knew his life would never be the same. Still, he never expected it to be quite so different.

Draco had grown up knowing certain things. He was a Malfoy, and thus had to act accordingly. He would grow up a certain way, with certain people. Any infractions would be severely and painfully punished. He would graduate school, get married to a girl of his parents choosing, and produce a suitable male heir. He would work in the high levels of the ministry. He would be a death eater. He would rule his social class. No if ands or buts. That's what it meant to be a Malfoy.

But that was yesterday. Today he was no longer a Malfoy.

On the one hand, Draco was now disowned and destitute. But on the other hand he was free. Free of responsibility, free of obligations, free of his father's domineering. No more curses, no more fortune, no more being told what to do, how to act, who to associate with. And then it hit him. Draco wouldn't become a death eater. He didn't have to become anything. Draco could become whoever, and what ever he wanted.

Trouble was, Draco had no idea what he wanted, or who he really was. Draco spent the evening of that first new day sitting on his bed, staring at his bare left arm.

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It was the first Potions class since Malfoy had been outed. Severus Snape was extremely tense. He hadn't a clue of what to do about the situation. One thing he did know, was that the Gryffindors would be absolutely insufferable. The Slytherins had kept mostly quiet about the situation whilst in public. In the dorms was another story all together.

The prince of the Slytherins caught in such a submissive position. To many it was shameful. Draco had been verbal harassed for days, and there wasn't much Snape could do about it. The only reason Draco had not been attacked physically was out of fear. Draco might not be a Malfoy anymore, but he had been trained as one. Which meant that Draco knew many more dark and painful spells that any other Slytherin. While he had never been permitted to use them in school, no one knew how he would react if cornered. And no one wanted to find out what a Malfoy with nothing left to lose would to if he were attacked.

Severus Snape was at a loss. Lucius was a fool to disown Draco like he had. The boy knew a lot more than his father thought. Lucius had always underestimated his son. This would not end well.

Needless to say, it was a tumultuous atmosphere in his classroom that first Gryffindor/Slytherin potions class.

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Draco was not immune to the whispers, or the rather louder remarks. He was thankful for what shreds of his reputation that were left intact that prevented him from being attacked magically. But he wasn't stupid, he had taken to heavily warding his four poster bed at night and was constantly on guard around his housemates. After all, Slytherins wouldn't attack him out right, but they weren't exactly above attacking him in the back.

No it was just words being thrown his way. Apparently, Mal-fairy had become popular. And he caught strains of "Malfoy is our Queen" from some. Draco was just sure that Weasley had been responsible that.

Draco had been quiet and withdrawn the last few days. He had been thinking a lot and had come to a decision about several things. First of all, he wasn't going to take shit from the Gryffindors or anyone for that matter. Secondly, he wasn't going to go by Malfoy any more, because that wasn't what he was. Draco wasn't sure exactly what he was, but he knew he wasn't a Malfoy… in any sense of the word. So, Draco had decided to go by his mother's maiden name. Black. It would piss his father off. Draco decided that was a good enough reason in and of itself. Lastly, Draco decided he didn't give a shit anymore for appearances. Draco was gong to react to things. No more coldness, he was free to express himself how ever he felt. And Damn it if he felt like laughing, he was going to laugh. No more censoring himself.

It was with this attitude that he entered potions class. It was going to be interesting.

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Draco arrived early, head up, shoulders back, standing tall. He sat down in the middle of the relatively empty room with a feint smile on his face. Draco had always liked potions, not just because it was funny watching Snape harass Potter, though that was a nice bonus. No, Draco generally enjoyed the subject. It was fascinating.

Slowly the room began to fill up as the other students arrived. Draco just smiled, this would be interesting.

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Please review offers up a malfoy shaped sacrifice

Just a short chapter… up next the potions scene (which is being really difficult to write urrrrrg!)

Thanks everyone for the reviews!


	8. Chapter 8: Tangents

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Eight: Tangent**

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"Draco arrived early, head up, shoulders back, standing tall. He sat down in the middle of the relatively empty room with a feint smile on his face. Draco had always liked potions, not just because it was funny watching Snape harass Potter, though that was a nice bonus. No, Draco generally enjoyed the subject. It was fascinating.

Slowly the room began to fill up as the other students arrived. Draco just smiled, this would be interesting."

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As students filled into the room, Draco was surprised when Gregory Goyle sat down next to him. "Hey Draco." He said.

Draco looked at him askance. Greg and Vince had been avoiding him the last several days. Probably got letters from their father's telling them not to associate with him.

"Hey Greg" Draco said slowly, "Why are you?"

"Here" Greg finished. "Well I don't really care if your gay, sides means Pansy and you don't gotta get married." Greg had an enormous crush on the simpering girl. Draco wasn't sure why, I mean Pansy was an okay person, but she could be such a bitch. Though that's probably why Greg liked her. It had been a long running notion that Draco and Pansy would be married for their parents political gain, so Greg had always been a bit depressed about it.

"But, Greg what about your father?" Draco asked.

"Don't care, sides he's not around much, not since mum died. I'm not planning on going home." He said.

(I'm on your side, I'll go where you go. Screw my father, he doesn't really care about me)

Gregory's mother had died when he was eight; she had been a very nice though brutish looking woman. Greg's home life had not been very pleasant since that time. Still, the unspoken meaning behind his words surprised Draco. Greg wasn't going to be a death eater.

"Don't know what to do, thought you might have an idea." Greg continued.

(I don't have a clue where to go, help me)

Draco was touched. "I'll figure it out."

(I'll find a way, I'll protect you. You can count on me.)

The boys smiled at each other, but then… well Draco had to ask.

"What about Vince?" he questioned gently.

Greg looked down, and replied quietly, "He, isn't as understanding about the gay thing… or the other stuff…"

(He hates homosexuals, and he's going to be a death eater)

Vince's home life had been better than either of the others. His parents were not the brightest or most attractive people in the world, but they were wonderful to their son. Vince's dad had not been much of a student, he was how ever a quidditch beater. He glorified his son's talent at the sport, and the two were very close. His mother spoiled Vince rotten, she loved to cook, and Vince loved to eat. His parents doted upon him. It was really no wonder that Vince would choose his family. He idolized his father, and wanted to be like him. A death eater.

Greg continued sadly, "We fought about it. He's gonna stay away, but he won't tell."

(He can't be friend anymore, but he cares enough to not tell my father, he's at least letting me get away.)

"I'm… it's good of him to at least do that. I'm sorry Greg." Draco looked at him closely, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah" Greg said and gave a small smile.

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It wasn't long before the Snape closed the door and class began.

"We will be brewing Animortiacus today, who can tell me what it does." Snape inquired.

Only two hands went into the air. Hermione and Draco's. The choice was clear. "Mr. Malfoy." Snape stated.

"Actually, I'm going by Black now." Draco said.

Potter somehow tripped over air and fell onto the potions room floor. "What!?!" he sputtered.

"Oh right Potter forgot your dog father was my mum's cousin." Draco laughed.

"You can't use that name!" Harry yelled.

"And why the hell not? It's my mum's maiden name, I'm half Black. Mind your own business you clot." Draco said.

"Shut your mouth you evil pissy little qu…" Hermione hit Ron before he could finish that sentence. Draco laughed, "That's right Weasley, listen to your ball and chain maybe some day she'll give you your cods back."

Ron narrowed his eyes, "So how does it feel to be penniless? It's nice when people get what they deserve."

"Well, Weasley I may not be rich anymore, but at least I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you." Draco countered.

"Chutney ferret." Dean piped up. Greg made to stand, but Draco gestured for him to sit.

"Wow oddly appropriate considering fourth year." Ron laughed.

"And here I thought Gryffindors were all about hugs, saving kittens, and tolerance." Draco shot back. Greg laughed at this.

"I don't hate you cause your gay, I hate you cause you're a total git, you no good death eater in training!" Ron yelled red faced.

"Oh yes Weasley I really fancy killing and torturing people just so snake face can get his jollies off. Besides those huge black robes really make my arse look fabulous."

"Your full of it Malfoy." Harry said stressing the last name.

"Are you daft? What part about disowned didn't you hear? I. Am. NOT. A. Malfoy. Which also means I don't have to be a death eater. I've finally got a damn choice." Draco retorted.

"And I'm supposed to believe you suddenly are going to be on the good side after six years of being an evil little shit?" Harry scoffed.

"Suddenly? Well a few days ago, not being one wasn't an option. Now I can do what ever the bloody hell I want. And I don't know what I want, but I can tell you something, I don't want to be a damn death eater." Draco said scowling at Harry.

Draco turned to face the room. "Has anyone here ever seen the dark lord? Well, its not a pretty sight. He's not even human anymore, has this weird slit in his face for a nose, white leathery skin, and RED EYES. Red eyes people. Red Fucking Eyes. Oy Potter you know what I'm talking about." Draco continued smiling a bit addressing the room, " And he curses his own followers treats them like muggles, and trust me I've felt the Cruciatus at dear daddy's hands enough for one life time thank you very much. I don't really fancy being a…"

"ENOUGH!" Snape bellowed.

"Thirty points from Gryffindor, And Mr. Mal… Black. See me after class. Now, everyone get back to work, next person to speak gets a week of detention." Snape seethed.

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The rest of the class continued in a tense silence. Well a tense silence for everyone else, Draco was is a fine mood. Nobody was interrupting his concentration and he finished his potion perfectly.

After cleaning up his work table, Draco pulled out a spare piece of parchment and began to doodle absent mindedly. A slow smile crossed his face as he recalled the first half of class. Potter falling on his arse after hearing his new last name. Quite funny really.

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Severus Snape was tired, and had one hell of a headache. He really shouldn't have let the argument go on as long as it had, but he wanted to know what Draco would say. And he said a lot.

The fact that the boy would now be using the surname of Black was absolutely corking. It was really too bad that the mangy mutt was dead if only for the look that would have been on his face. Though Snape loved it just because it bothered Potter to no end.

Snape didn't understand Draco… Black… at all. He had just been outed, disowned, and left penniless. And he was smiling. Drawing on a piece of parchment like he didn't have a care in the world.

He also didn't miss the fact the Gregory Goyle was sitting with Draco today. It made him wonder how he could have missed that two of his Slytherins would be relived to not be death eaters. He felt like he had failed them.

As class came to a close, Snape was unsure of exactly what he would say to the boy.

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Author's note: Thanks for the reviews, I thrive on them!

Chutney ferret is a derogatory noun for a homosexual male…a really awful word. I saw it on a list of British slang and… I mean ferret! Draco! And he's gay! It was too perfect not to use.

Also, I'm trying to keep all the characters in character. Please please please let me know if I get out of character.

Also, I promise I'll get back to Seamus soon… the Draco tangent will become important later to the Main Story. Also I just like writing Draco lines.


	9. Chapter 9: Perspectives

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Nine: Perspectives**

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Hey, sorry its been so long, everything got crazy with finals then winter break. But I'm back at school, and will work hard to update at least once a week! (hope I didn't lose too many readers!) Anyway, on to Chapter Nine. You may want to re-read the last chapter or so to refresh your memory. Thanks for reading!

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Today was potions class, and Seamus really was not looking forward to it. He just knew that there was going to be a confrontation between his dorm mates and Malfoy. And it wouldn't be pretty.

Seamus was just so tired. Tired of hearing all the nasty things people were saying about Malfoy and homosexuals in general. Tired of chasing after and annoying Lavender. Tired of avoiding Dean. Seamus was tired of his whole damn life.

It felt like he hadn't had a good night's sleep in ages, and it was beginning to show on his face. He looked and felt like utter crap.

So it was with heavy steps that Seamus followed his classmates into the Potions dungeon. He had just barely gotten to his customary seat next to Dean, when Snape swept into the room shutting the door behind him.

Snape strode to the front of the room and pointed his wand at the chalkboard. Familiar scrawled handwriting filled with potions instructions appeared.

"We will be brewing Animortiacus today, who can tell me what it does." Snape asked sharply.

Predictably, Hermione raised her hand, but Seamus was surprised to see Malfoy's hand go up as well. Seamus looked intently at Malfoy. He seemed calm and rested.

"Actually, I'm going by Black now." Malfoy said abruptly.

Seamus almost laughed when this caused Harry to somehow trip over nothing and fall to the ground, yelping "What!?!" quite loudly.

"Oh right Potter forgot your dog father was my mum's cousin." Malfoy laughed flippantly.

"You can't use that name!" Harry yelled seething mad. Which was a rather scary look, Seamus personally thought. But Malfoy didn't seem affected by Harry's countenance.

"And why the hell not? It's my mum's maiden name, I'm half Black. Mind your own business you clot." Malfoy said.

Seamus looked over at Ron who seemed to be turning remarkably red. "Shut your mouth you evil pissy little qu…" Hermione hit Ron cutting him off.

Malfoy laughed at him, "That's right Weasley, listen to your ball and chain maybe some day she'll give you your cods back."

Ron's ears were now flaming red, a sure sign that this was about to get ugly. Seamus slid further down in his seat as Ron retorted, "So how does it feel to be penniless? It's nice when people get what they deserve."

"Well, Weasley I may not be rich anymore, but at least I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you." Malfoy countered flippantly.

"Chutney ferret." Dean muttered loudly next to him. Seamus once again felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Dean rarely ever spoke up during arguments between Harry and Malfoy. For him to speak up now… it meant he really felt strongly about it. Clenching his jaw, Seamus tried his hardest to not look like anything was wrong. He wanted more than anything to run and hide and perhaps never see anyone ever again.

Absorbed in his thoughts, Seamus missed what was being said until Ron yelled something about Malfoy being a death eater. He watched as the Slytherin's face contorted into a familiar mocking sneer.

"Oh yes Weasley, I really fancy killing and torturing people just so snake face can get his jollies off. Besides those huge black robes really make my arse look fabulous."

"Your full of it Malfoy." Harry said emphasizing Malfoy. To which the other boy looking endlessly aggrieved rolled his eyes and said, "Are you daft? What part about disowned didn't you hear? I. Am. NOT. A. Malfoy. Which also means I don't have to be a death eater. I've finally got a damn choice."

"And I'm supposed to believe you suddenly are going to be on the good side after six years of being an evil little shit?" Harry asked doubtfully.

"Suddenly? Well a few days ago, not being one wasn't an option. Now I can do what ever the bloody hell I want. And I don't know what I want, but I can tell you something, I don't want to be a damn death eater." Malfoy said scowling at Harry.

Seamus was surprised at this, but Harry looked like he was about to hit the other boy in the nose. Malfoy however, got this really creepy calm look on his face.

He watched as Malfoy..er Black spun on his heel and faced the room. "Has anyone here ever seen the dark lord? Well, its not a pretty sight. He's not even human anymore, has this weird slit in his face for a nose, white leathery skin, and RED EYES. Red eyes people. Red Fucking Eyes. Oy Potter you know what I'm talking about." He continued smiling a bit addressing the class, " And he curses his own followers treats them like muggles, and trust me I've felt the Cruciatus at dear daddy's hands enough for one life time thank you very much. I don't really fancy being a…"

"ENOUGH!" Snape bellowed.

"Thirty points from Gryffindor, And Mr. Mal… Black. See me after class. Now, everyone get back to work, next person to speak gets a week of detention." Snape seethed.

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The rest of the class proceeded in an anxious silence. Seamus couldn't seem to concentrate on his work at all. His hands shook, but if Dean noticed he didn't say anything. In the end, their potion was a sort of yellow lumpy paste. It was supposed to be light blue and gelatinous.

Seamus sighed, brought a sample to Snape's desk, and hurriedly cleaned up his work table. He was in no mood to stick around and talk to Dean or anyone else. Not meeting his friend's eye, the Irishman side stepped out of the room and made a dash for the library.

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As soon as he room was empty. Draco stuffed the parchment he had been doodling on into his bag, and approached Snape's desk. As he walked to the front of the room, he slide his wand into his hand, not caring that this was entirely visible to his professor. The calm smile had left Draco's face, and he now looked wary and on his guard.

The head of Slytherin just appeared weary. But Draco wasn't about to trust his once favorite professor. He was well aware that Snape was a death eater.

Snape looked up at the former Malfoy heir, in a resigned sort of way. Seeing the wand in his hand he thought (at least the boy has some sense).

"You may put your wand away Mr. Black, If I was going to curse you it would not be at a time when everyone knows you are with me."

Draco seemed assured by this Slytherin reasoning, but made no move to tuck his wand away. "I'd rather not, just the same."

Snape gave a small nod at this, but Draco continued "Have you been sent orders to dispose of me or send me to Lucius yet?"

The forthrightness of this startled Severus, but he did not show it. "Lucius has no legal right to force you to leave the school, he gave up all parental rights when he disowned you."

Draco narrowed his eyes, "Like that matters. I know what kind of man he is. And I know what kinds of alliances you have as well. You know I am not thick, so please refrain from treating me as such." He said forcefully.

Severus replied, "Not thick? Could have surprised me with that rash outburst in my classroom today. What, pray tell, were you thinking? I will not have an interruption like that again. I expected as much from Potter, but not you. You have detention this evening at eight, bring materials to write an essay on today's potion."

Draco seemed surprised and suspicious of the uncomplicated task. Snape rolled his eyes, "So long as you behave, I am not going to suddenly start treating you differently Draco."

The use of his first name did not, as it once had, ease his mind. "I don't trust you. I'm not a fool, you can't get to me this way. I'd rather you did treat me harshly." Draco stated.

The head of Slytherin, had a blinding migraine. The boy now thought he was playing mind games in order to get close enough to send him to his father or kill him outright. Getting Slytherins to trust someone they had reason to distrust was like flying a broom through a wall. He'd have to give something away. It could put his spying and life in jeopardy, but Draco… it was worth it. Draco had the potential to be a powerful wizard, he was extremely intelligent, and now that the boy was no longer under Lucius' thumb he could make a potent ally for the light. He might be able to stop others from joining the dark lord as well, Gregory Goyle certainly. It would be worth it just to save a few of his Slytherins from the same dark path he himself had gone down when he was their age.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he replied, "Believe what you will, I am not attempting to lull you into a false sense of security. I understand that you can't trust me. In any case, go talk to Dumbledore about your future."

Draco seemed startled by this, but Severus raised up his hand and continued, "He can and will assist you. I'm not saying you have to fight against the dark lord. He will protect you regardless. And not just you, take Mr. Goyle along. I know the headmaster seems out of his head, but the old man is vastly more than he appears to be. You may go to lunch now."

The flaxen haired Slytherin didn't say a word, but as he turned to leave, he heard Snape say, "Just go to him, Draco."

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Meanwhile, Seamus had once again skipped lunch in favor of the library. He hunched over an essay that wasn't due for weeks, working manically on it in order to distract himself. It wasn't really working.

The sneer on Dean's face remained etched in his head.

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Author's note: Sorry for the repetitiveness of some of the chapter… just thought it would be a good refresher, and a way to show Seamus' perspective of the potions' incident.

Please Review! Offers up Seamus shaped candy


	10. Chapter 10: Conflictions

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Ten: Confliction**

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Meanwhile, Seamus had once again skipped lunch in favor of the library. He hunched over an essay that wasn't due for weeks, working manically on it in order to distract himself. It wasn't really working.

The sneer on Dean's face remained etched in his head.

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Dean watched his friend scurry out of the potion's classroom and sighed. Seamus had been doing that a lot lately. He hoped the Irishman was just hungry and running off to lunch, but he knew that wasn't likely. Seamus was probably secluding himself in the library again. Missing yet another meal.

Dean was worried. But every time he tried to question his friend, the sandy haired boy just slipped off. It was like Seamus couldn't stand to talk to him for more than two-minute intervals.

At first Dean had thought that maybe his friend was mad at him about something. But it wasn't just Dean that Seamus was avoiding. He was avoiding pretty much everyone else, with the exception of Lavender, and oddly enough, Hermione.

And it wasn't just the avoiding part, which had Dean concerned. It was also the fact that Seamus had pretty much stopped talking. The only time Dean really ever heard his friend speak at length, was to answer a question in class.

When had his witty, loquacious, and lackadaisical best friend turned into a male version of Hermione Granger?

It was very disconcerting.

Not being a very talkative person himself, Dean missed the constant flow of speech that used to pour out of Seamus' mouth. He missed the private talks that they used to have. Outside of his family, Seamus knew Dean better than anyone else in the world. He felt a huge loss at the absence of that connection. There were things that had been bothering him lately, and he really needed someone to talk to who understood him. But Seamus was just not there.

He missed goofing off after class, playing exploding snap, racing around the cooridors, the laughter, and all the other things they used to do together.

Dean even missed Seamus' stupid jokes.

But most of all, he just missed his best mate.

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So once again, Dean made his way up to the Great Hall for lunch, sans Seamus. Harry and Ron were walking ahead of him. Well, Harry wasn't so much "walking" and he was "stomping" with his fists clenched at his side. Ron's ears were visibly red, and Hermione was flitting between the two trying in vain to calm each of them down.

It wasn't working very well, since she was chastising them more than soothing them.

Neville was nowhere to be seen.

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A few minutes later, Dean entered the Great Hall and took his seat. Neville was already sitting across from him. Hermione, Ron, and Harry reached the Gryffindor table and sat down nearby. Dean looked up and greeted the other boy, but Neville shook his head and frowned at him.

This was distressing. It was very odd having the quiet boy upset at you.

"Are you mad at me?" Dean asked.

Neville looked over the table at him and shook his head, "I'm not mad. I'm disappointed."

"What?" Dean said confused.

Neville sighed, "I had hoped you listened to me the other night, and thought about what I said… About not being cruel, and not making fun of anyone for being different."

He continued, "I don't get it. Why did you feel the need to speak up and insult Malfoy? You hardly ever get involved in those fights. Why, just because he's gay?"

"I mean I expected Ron to go off making comments," Neville said jerking his head towards the red head who wasn't listening, "He has no control over his temper, and will blurt out anything when he's mad. It wasn't calculated, and he doesn't hate Malfoy for being gay. He just hates Malfoy."

Neville looked up at Dean and said softly, "But you? You only made a comment because of the gay thing. Not for any other reason. You don't have a temper, you were completely calm. You only said it to be cruel."

Neville continued a little louder, "And I expected better of you. So, yeah, I'm disappointed."

Dean didn't know how to respond. He felt kind of guilty, but mostly just really confused. He wished Seamus was around.

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The rest of lunch proceeded pretty quietly. The only noise at that end of the table came from Hermione, who was whispering feverishly at a still brooding Harry.

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Later that night, as Dean lay in his bed, he had a terrible time trying to get to sleep. Neville's words from the past few days echoed in his head. He felt overwhelmed by the circling thoughts crowding him mind.

Dean's family was devote Roman Catholic. He had grown up going to church with his parents and siblings. For a time, he was even part of the choir.

His priest had made it clear that sex out side of marriage was wrong and sinful. Marriage was supposed to be between a man and a woman. Homosexuality was perverted, a major sin. Homosexual acts were a crime in the eyes of God.

When Dean entered the Wizarding world, he didn't feel conflicted about this. The idea of chastity before marriage, was even stricter here than in the muggle world. Girls and boys were to remain pure until their wedding nights. Touching and oral pleasures were not forbidden before marriage, but they were supposed to be activities strictly for those in long-term, committed relationships.

Dean had understood and accepted this, as it was close to what he was taught growing up. But he had heard no mention of how homosexuality was thought of among wizards.

Recently, due to the Malfoy incident, he had gotten the feeling that it was regarded as scandalous, and kind of funny. But it wasn't seen as a crime, or as completely wrong. Just kind of weird.

Dean didn't really know what to make of this. It didn't mesh with his religion, with what he had always been taught.

(but Dean, doesn't your religion say witchcraft is evil too?) Neville's words dashed about in his head.

Because, yeah, his religion did say witchcraft was evil. He hadn't really thought of that when he was first told he was a wizard. The whole thing was too new, and too huge.

But now… okay so witchcraft is evil. But he didn't feel evil. Being a wizard didn't feel wrong. And his family certainly had never treated him like he was evil, like his magic was a bad thing. It was all so conflicting.

He really wished he could talk to his priest. But his priest was a muggle, he wasn't allowed to know about magic. And even if Dean could tell him, what would he do if his priest told him being a wizard was wrong? He couldn't stop being a wizard. Magic was as much a part of him as his arms and legs.

Dean really wished he could talk to Seamus. He was half muggle, and grew up partly in the muggle world, he might understand. Or at least help Dean work through it. Dean hated not having his best mate to talk to.

It was hours before Dean was able to fall asleep.

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Author's note: Thanks for reading! Any feedback would really help! I was trying to show things from Dean's point of view, and how confusing it must be. Hope all the morality stuff wasn't too boring.

Please Review!!! –offers up pouting seamus-


	11. Chapter 11: Thunderclouds

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Eleven: Thunderclouds **

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The boys in the sixth-year dormitory of Gryffindor House at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry each dreamed of different things.

Ron Weasley's dreams were a jumble of meat pies, bushy hair, late assignments, new broomsticks, floating brains, and summer days in the Burrow.

Neville Longbottom dreamt of discovering new magical plant species, his grandmother's hats, his parents, games of exploding snap, and oddly enough.. growing purple hair.

Seamus Finnigan rarely slept, but when he did he mostly just had nightmares. The majority of these were Dean centric, though he did have a particularly vivid dream about accidentally spelling away Kenmare Kestrals tickets.

Harry Potter often dreamed in red, but lately it wasn't Voldemort inspired or nightmarishly ghastly. No, lately it was an affable kind of red. Crimson coppery tresses. Shining, glistening, scarlet tendrils wafting in a gentle wind… beckoning him. Enchanting his every sense.

This red hair that was so commonplace in his everyday existence took on an aura more magically potent than the draught of living death. Well, the two were actually very similar. Every time he spotted this particular head of hair, he felt as though he could not breathe.

Ron might actually kill him.

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Harry wasn't the only one dreaming of crimson locks and amiable smiles. Three mere beds down, Dean was still lamenting the loss of the youngest Weasley. He still remembered the rose petal softness of her hair, and how brilliant it had felt when he ran his fingers through it.

It had been about three months since his relationship with Ginny had ceased to be. Three awful months, full of missing her, and Seamus too because about the same time it felt like the Irishman had ditched him too.

Seamus wasn't around any more, and things with Ginny were still very awkward. Add that on to the whole confusing mess with Malfoy and Neville and his religion… well Dean felt like crap. Little did he know it was about to get worse.

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The library, which had a few months ago become his refuge, now left Seamus feeling out of sorts. He still worked manically on his studies, half-heartedly made suggestive comments to Lavender, and listened assiduously to the many discourses of Hermione Granger, but he felt increasingly morose and listless.

When she could find him, Hermione would talk his ear off. She was increasingly worried about his physical and emotional well-being. Knowing that mentioning anything to the Irishman would only cause him to avoid her, Hermione didn't bring it up. Instead she just talked at him every chance she got, and tried to be cheerful and accommodating. This caused Ron to make snide comments to him, but Seamus didn't take much notice.

Ron Weasley was seeing a lot of red these days too.

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Hermione spends far too much of her time talking to that Irishman. Clearly he's no good. He's loutish and a sexual deviant. A predator really. I mean, look at the way he carries on, falling all over Lavender Brown!

Hermione is just going to get hurt. Seamus clearly doesn't care about her. No good, bloody arrogant Irishman. Thinks he can just lead poor Hermione on.

And what does she see in him anyway! Always yammering on to him. Why can't she talk to me or Harry. We're much better company. Oh he's just using her. To get ahead in classes, he doesn't really like her. Not like Harry and me. We're her real friends.

She's just gonna get hurt. And it'll be entirely his fault. It's not right. Not right at all.

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Ron had taken to constantly muttering under his breath lamenting about Seamus. Harry had taken to rolling his eyes, and was soon expecting a huge blow out between his two best friends.

That evening, after supper, Harry's prediction proved regrettably true.

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The evening started out quietly enough, the common room filled with a low buzz of conversations. Hermione, Harry, and Ron sat in a cozy corner of the room on big squashy chairs.

Hermione perused a library book, while Ron and Harry weighed the pros and cons of the new Cannons lineup. Every few minutes or so, the bushy haired girl looked up from her book towards the portrait. After a half an hour, she finally set down the large tome.

Interjecting into the Quidditch talk she said, "It's almost curfew, where is Seamus."

Ron gave her a dark look, which was frankly confusing to her, and asked "Why do you care so much?" in a brusque tone.

Harry, sensing the long anticipated danger and his impotence to stop it, slowly began to slide out of his seat. Yes, retreat was defiantly for the best.

Hermione frowning at the red-head's tone replied, "Well, Ron, he's my friend and I don't want him to get into trouble."

"Oh he's your friend is he?" Ron responded tersely.

"Yes", she said annoyed.

"Well I don't think he ought to be" Ron stated.

"Well it's not up to you," Hermione snapped.

"Your mad, and blind. He's using you!" Ron bellowed.

"Using me?!" Hermione screeched.

"Yeah! He just wants to get ahead in classes!" he yelled back.

"Oh so that's the only reason anyone would want to be my friend! And I suppose you never want help with your homework!" she fumed.

"But I'm not a jerk! And and he is! I'm not using you, but he is! Don't be daft!" Ron answered defensively.

At this point both parties were standing. Ron's face had turned a lovely reddish color, and Harry was nowhere to be seen.

Hermione poking Ron vigorously in the chest shrieked "You. Are. The. Biggest. Jerk. I. Have. Ever. Met."

"Bloody well stop that!" he said stepping back from the unyielding prods, and yell "Get a clue! He's no good!"

""I can associate with whomever I want, you clot!" Hermione hissed before stomping off and up the stairs to the girl's dormitory.

Ron huffed and sat back down. A few minutes later, the dust clouds settled and normal conversation returned to Gryffindor House's common room. Needless to say, the atmosphere was tense in the sixth year's dorm that night. It was rather fortunate that Seamus didn't return until after Ron had gone to sleep.

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Author's note: Sorry for the delay! Had a killer Spanish exam… Anyway hope you liked this chapter… it's sort of a set up for later chapters. Was the transition of perspectives and characters done okay? Just wondering if it was confusing/bad. Please Review!!!


	12. Chapter 12: Hurricane Ron

Title: Breaking Seamus

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Twelve: **Hurricane Ron

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"Bloody well stop that!" he said stepping back from the unyielding prods, and yelled "Get a clue! He's no good!"

""I can associate with whomever I want, you clot!" Hermione hissed before stomping off and up the stairs to the girl's dormitory. 

Ron huffed and sat back down. A few minutes later, the dust clouds settled and normal conversation returned to Gryffindor House's common room. Needless to say, the atmosphere was tense in the sixth year's dorm that night. It was rather fortunate that Seamus didn't return until after Ron had gone to sleep.

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Some days, Seamus just felt as though breathing required far too much effort. This was one of those days.

He had returned to his dorm around three in the morning, after a long late night walk where he was fortunate not to run into Filtch. The room had been quiet but for the sounds of his roommate's snoring, a peaceful scene that would be short lived. 

Seamus had shed his robes and dropped into his bed. He managed a few hours sleep after a couple Dean related nightmares. When he woke, it was to a full fledged thunderstorm. Or rather, Hurricane Ron.

The red head was in a murderous mood, throwing about his things and giving Seamus all sorts of evil looks as the dorm showered and dressed for the day. So much so, that Seamus even noticed through his self imposed haze. 

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Seamus asked puzzled, after Ron had practically knocked him to the ground when they passed each other in the loo. 

"You are you limy git!" Ron shouted red faced.

For a terrifying second Seamus thought Ron had figured out his secret, and sputtered "..Wwhat?!" in a sort of high pitched voice.

Ron looked like he was about to hit the Irishman, when Harry popped into the room. The black haired boy took one look at his hacked off best friend, and decided he couldn't avoid getting involved in this particular row like he had avoided the one the previous night. Especially since it looked as though Seamus didn't have a clue as to what was going on. 

And It would be really bad if Ron decked him…

"Ron! Are you off your head or something?" He said.

Turning to Harry, Ron replied incredulously, "You're defending him?! I can't believe you! She's your friend too!" 

At this point, Seamus was really confused, and Dean had entered the loo. "What's all the yelling for this early in the morning?" he asked.

"I haven't the foggiest." Seamus replied bewildered.

Ron gave Seamus a murderous glance and stormed out of the bathroom, then out of the boy's dorms completely as Harry chased after him.

Just then Neville popped into the room, "Ron still not cooled off after last night?" he asked.

"What happened last night?" Seamus asked.

Neville replied, "Oh he and Hermione had a big row. You should probably stay out of his way for a bit… see the thing is, Ron thinks you are… well he thinks you like Hermione."

Still confused, the Irishman replied, "But I do like Hermione."

Dean pitched in, "Er, Seamus, I think he means that Ron thinks you fancy her."

"What?!" the sandy haired boy replied startled. "Why, would he think that, she's just a friend."

"Well, Ron's an idiot when he's jealous." Neville said matter of factly.

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Meanwhile, downstairs in the common room, Ron was doing a lot of shouting, and Hermione, who had been reading on the couch, was trying to get him to calm down.

"I want to ask out your sister!" Harry blurted out loudly. 

Hermione turned to him, and hit him on the arm. "Harry! Not Helping!"

Harry shrugged with a sort of panicked look, "I figured this way he's already hacked off at me. Besides, I tell him later, and that's just another row. Might as well get it over with."

Hermione glared "Harry, you're just making it worse! Would you please just explain to Ronald.."

"No! Harry explain to her that Seamus is just the wrong sort and you know it." Ron interrupted.

"You know what? No! I am so tired of this! You two stop putting me in the middle!" Harry yelled fed up.

"I don't put you in the middle, she does!" Ron exclaimed pointing at her.

Harry threw his hands up in the air, "Would you just kiss her already you prat! I am so sick of the tension between you two!" he said as he stormed out of the common room.

Both Ron and Hermione stood still, utterly stunned. Slowly they looked at each other. Ron's whole face flushed brighter red than it had ever before, and so help her, Hermione thought it was cute.

For some odd reason, Ron's feet were broken, because they refused to move even an inch in any direction. So he was stuck, gaping at Hermione with wide eyes.

After a moment, she huffed, "You know what? I'm tired of waiting too you twit!" Stepping forward to a still immobile Ron, she threw her arms around him, stood on her tiptoes, and kissed him full on the mouth.

Then she turned and proceeded to walk out the door. 

Due to the fact that his head had gone completely empty, and his heart was somewhere on the floor, it took Ron almost a full minute before he remembered that his feet were now working, and he dashed out of the common room to find Hermione.

Standing on the stairs to the Gryffindor boy's dorms, Dean, Neville, and Seamus began laughing. Tears were streaming down Seamus' face, from laughing so hard. Dean was doubled over, clutching his stomach, and Neville was having a hard time standing.

Across the room, Ginny stood on the girl's staircase, with a bright pink face. She wasn't sure whether the heavy blush was due to what Harry had shouted or overseeing her brother kissing Hermione. Ew.

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Author's note: Just a short one, will try to get the next chapter finished by the end of the week. Thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 13: Break Faith

Title: Breaking Seamus

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Thirteen: Break Faith**

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Standing on the stairs to the Gryffindor boy's dorms, Dean, Neville, and Seamus began laughing. Tears were streaming down Seamus' face, from laughing so hard. Dean was doubled over, clutching his stomach, and Neville was having a hard time standing.

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It had been so long since Seamus had laughed like that with his dorm mates. It felt so good, but when Seamus looked up at Dean's face, his heart broke just a little more.

Dean was giving him a big grin, the light in his eyes making the Irishman's heart skip a beat.

If Dean knew that Seamus was in love with him, there's no way he would be looking at him like that. There's no way Dean would be laughing with him, or even want to be near him.

As if hit by a sudden spell, the laughter was gone from Seamus. He couldn't stand seeing Dean like that and not being able to kiss him, to hold him, to be loved in return. And even worse, Seamus couldn't stand the fact that the truth would make Dean hate him.

So once again, he fled.

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Dean hadn't felt this good in a while. Seamus was finally here, and laughing with him. It was just like old times. He loved seeing the grin on his errant friends face, and hearing him laugh wholeheartedly again. Dean had felt the loss the closeness of his friendship with Seamus deeply.

But suddenly, it looked as though the Irishman had been hit in the face. The lightness died from his friends face, and Dean knew what he was going to say.

"I have to go to the library." Seamus said. And Dean felt like he had been punched in the gut.

Neville noticed it too and sighed deeply as he turned back up the stairs to fetch a book for his first class. It was depressing that the old Seamus had only been back for mere seconds.

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Deep below the hectic Gryffindor dorms, Draco was having a rough morning himself.

The Slytherin dorms were no longer a place of rest and relaxation for the former Malfoy heir. He had to be wary and completely on his guard every second. So far every attack had been verbal, but Draco knew that wouldn't last long. Lucius Malfoy had a long reach, and an even larger pocket. Draco's reputation alone wouldn't stop the attempts he was sure were about to be made on his life.

He wasn't wrong.

Though it was a damned good thing he was so proficient at potions.

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Draco had undergone a rigorous training in all areas of dark and destructive magic. Which included potions. The average witch or wizard would be unable to detect the light ambery dankness given off by a particularly nasty potion called "concremo exuro" Which, when made contact with skin, spread over the entire surface of a person's body and literally burned a victim alive.

It was an extremely difficult potion to make, needing to be fermented for five years, and the ingredients were extraordinarily expensive.

So when Draco stepped into his shower and popped open the top of his expensive hand designed shampoo, it was a good thing he enjoyed the smell of it and breathed in deeply.

Glancing down at the bottle, he cocked his head. This was not right at all. Then he remembered a particularly vivid lesson he had been given two summers ago, involving concremo exuro and a pig.

So, **it** had begun.

Setting the bottle down, Draco conjured a bit of untampered shampoo and continued his shower.

A Malfoy was always observant of his surroundings, aware of everything around him. Draco had learned this lesson well, and though he was no longer a Malfoy, the lessons remained.

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That day was not an easy one for Draco. Apparently there was an extremely large bounty on his head. The Slytherin dorms were now a war zone. He had to tell Greg to stay away for a bit, rather than put the large slytherin in danger.

His ties had been put under a constricting hex, which would have strangled him had he not disarmed them. In fact most of his clothes had been tampered with. Draco wanted to kick himself for not thinking to ward his dresser.

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Draco walked to breakfast slowly and cautiously, making sure his back was against a wall whenever someone was within range. No one said anything to him other than sneering.

Finally reaching the great hall, he slid into his usual seat. Immediately several diagnostic charms made it clear his food was uneatable. Well eatable, but it would have killed him.

Standing from his seat and sneering at his housemates he said, "Well as I don't feel like dying anytime soon, I think I'll go join the Ravenclaws."

A hush fell over that end of the hall as Draco walked over and sat at an empty spot near some first years at the Ravenclaw table.

Filling up his plate, Draco tucked in and ate his fill. McGonagall who happened to walk in as Draco sat down, strode over to the table.

"Mr. Mal.. Mr. Black. Why are you not at your own house table?" She demanded.

Draco politely set his fork down, "Professor, I was hungry."

"I'm still not grasping why you are at this table, explain yourself." She stated.

"The food infrount of my normal seat had been poisoned. By four different potions, and probably four different people. So I elected to eat elsewhere for this meal." He replied calmly.

The head of Gryffindor looked startled. Severus Snape noticing the commotion, walked over to the pair and questioned, "May I ask what is going on here."

Minerva stated doubtfully, "Mr. Black claims that the food by his usual seat has been poisoned."

Severus closed his eyes and took a calming breath. Addressing Draco he asked, "How many?"

"I stopped counting after four sir."

"Very well, I will see to this." Snape responded as he walked towards the Slytherin table. But by the time he reached it, the food in the area surrounding Draco's normal seat had all been vanished.

Though Severus spoke quietly, every single Slytherin in attendance could hear his every word, "If I ever hear of such blatant foolishness again, do not think I will hesitate to track down the perpetrator. And I will find them, that I assure you. All of you need to think before you act, no self respecting Slytherin would enact such a brash and idiotic plan. I cannot and will not protect you from the consequences of your actions in this. Do not let your greed surpass your common sense." He hissed.

Severus felt impotent as he strode back to the head table. He wished he could have said more, but anything obvious in favor of Draco could cast doubt upon his allegiances and endanger his status as spy.

Keeping young Draco alive was not going to be easy.

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**Authors note**: Who needs to study for history class when you can write! … I'll try to get up the next chapter next weekend. Thanks for reading, please review! (offers up wet soapy Draco and an Irishman in need of a hug)

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malfoyshottie: okay!, and ProperT: Thanks! I like deer in the headlights Ron, good to know the kiss was writen okay!

audrhole: I agree, I was just trying to show how Dean is conflicted about it, as some people are... let me know if I'm doing it okay (I'm not Catholic or particularly religious so…)


	14. Chapter 14: Snog?

Title: Breaking Seamus

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Fourteen: Snog?**

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Due to the fact that his head had gone completely empty, and his heart was somewhere on the floor, it took Ron almost a full minute before he remembered that his feet were now working, and he dashed out of the common room to find Hermione.

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Damn that witch is fast, Ron thought as he careened down the hallway nearly colliding into several walls and/or first years.

Hermione, for her part, was nowhere in sight. After rushing out of the common room she had made a beeline for her sanctuary. The one glorious place that always had the answers. The one local where she felt totally in control, and knew that with effort she could solve any problem or mystery. "Come on Library, don't fail me now." She muttered opening the heavy wooden doors to elucidation.

Only, as she wandered through the stacks, there didn't seem to be much written on how to proceed after snogging your best friend. "Hmm, maybe in the restricted section…"

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Meanwhile, Ron had made an extensive search of the castle. Conveniently forgetting that Harry had a map that showed the location of every person present. Though Harry probably wasn't in the sharing mood, he had been pretty hacked off back in the common room, Ron thought. Then suddenly, as if hit with a leg locker, the memory of Harry shouting that he wanted to ask out his sister flew into Ron's head and stopped him in his tracks. As the first year he had knocked over by stopping so suddenly picked himself off the floor, Ron was struck with the full implication of his best mate's outburst.

Ginny. Harry wanted to ask out _Ginny_. His little sister Ginny. It hadn't really sunk in before, as Ron had been so preoccupied with yelling.

Ginny and Harry. Harry and Ginny.

It was a bit odd. But after a moment's consideration, not a horrible idea. Harry wouldn't dare hurt her. In fact, Harry would be a great boyfriend for Ginny. Since Ginny insisted that she would date boys regardless of any of her older brother's thoughts on the subject. If Ginny had to date, at least it was Harry. Ron could trust Harry. There is no way he would ever take advantage of her. In fact, Harry was such a respectful conservative honorable guy as well as a bit naive, that Ginny would likely get frustrated with the lack of advantage taking Harry would do. Ha! Perfect. Ginny gets to date, and the Weasley men can rest easy knowing Ginny's virtue is completely out of harms way.

Ron decided he'd tell Harry to go for it. And Ginny couldn't yell at Ron again for being over protective. It would all work out perfectly. Well… so long as Ginny agrees to the whole plan. She was a bit stubborn.

The fact of his best friend and little sister decided, Ron's mind now began working on the problem of finding his other best friend.

"If I was Hermione where would I go?" he asked himself out loud, and then immediately hit himself on the head. Library.

Ron dashed off in the direction of the school's massive library, intent on finding Hermione.

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Eventually spotting a bushy head of hair, Ron ran over to her, grasped her arm, and promptly realized that during his frantic search he had failed to think of anything to say once he found her.

Staring at Hermione's blushing face, Ron discovered that he had become mute. Actually, they both had. Someone must have cast a silencio, Ron absently thought.

An awkward eternity seemed to pass by as neither said anything or even moved. Ron could feel Hermione's arm, warm under his hand. She smelled achingly familiar and wonderful, like fresh parchment and lilac and perfection.

Somewhere deep inside, Ron must have recalled that he was a Gryffindor, because suddenly he was moving toward her. The hand that wasn't still holding her arm, drifted up into her abundant curly hair. Ron only had a moment to wonder over it's softness before his lips pressed down on hers.

This time, his mind didn't go blank and his heart didn't fall on the ground in front of him. Instead Ron felt his heart leap out of his chest and take residence somewhere near the ceiling of the library.

Her lips felt soft, warm, and sweet under his. Tingles ran all over his skin and despite their differing heights, Ron thought she just fit perfectly into his arms as Hermione stood on her toes and threw her own arms around his neck. In fact, it was better than perfect, because Ron wanted to pull her closer and spin her around, and possibly never ever let her go.

All the arguments, every bit of frustration, everything, seemed to pale in comparison. The kiss became increasingly passionate, Ron moaned loudly as every part of him became consumed with the brilliant, independent, and bloody gorgeous woman in his arms.

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Kissing Ron was absolutely spiffing. He was everything Hermione had imagined and more. Passionate, raw, needy, and so very strong and warm. Ron had never been able to conceal his emotions well, but now he seemed to pour every bit of how he felt into the kiss. The feeling of him moaning into her mouth sent shivers down her spine and she gripped him tighter.

Ordinarily she was very aware of herself and her surroundings, but right now, if Hagrid had preformed Swan Lake in a leopard print unitard, Hermione would not have noticed. In fact, several minutes, (and several snogs) later, neither of the Gryffindors noticed Madam Pince's angry screeching for a long time.

Being kicked out of her beloved Library should have sent her into colossal despair. However, with Ron holding her hand, smiling and looking at her like he was… well, Hermione didn't think she'd _ever_ be unhappy again.

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Though both Ron and Hermione had missed breakfast, Harry had not.

He watched rather subdued as Malfoy caused a commotion by sitting at the Ravenclaw table. He couldn't really muster up the energy to care though. Harry assumed his best friends would be extremely angry with the way he left them in the common room. And sooner or later, it was going to register with Ron that he'd basically said he wanted to date Ginny. No doubt when Ron remembered, he's go spare.

I really need to work on controlling my impulsiveness, Harry thought as he relocated his eggs to the top corner of his plate.

Moments later though, Neville made his way over and sat next to the brooding boy.

"So, you should probably know that after you left, Hermione kissed Ron and walked out. It was actually pretty funny. He stood there gaping like a fish for at least a minute before he managed to pull himself together and chase after her." Neville informed him.

Harry looked up hopefully and asked, "Think there's any chance Ron won't remember that thing I yelled a.. about..um hhis sister?"

"Sorry mate." Neville replied empathetically and shaking his head.

Harry looked back at his plate and said in a smaller voice, "Think there's any chance Ginny won't hear about it?"

Neville clapped him on the back, "Sorry mate… you were rather loud."

Harry groaned and dropped his head into his arms.

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**Authors Note:** Sorry about the long delay between updates… school's really hectic right now…

Thanks for all the reviews, they make my day! And PbuG: that's the reason I really started writing this, it is hard to find good seamuscentric fic.


	15. Chapter 15: Interlude

Title: Breaking Seamus

**Title: Breaking Seamus**  
**AU 6th year  
Warnings: **One sided slash, angst, self hurt  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please don't sue!

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**Chapter Fifteen : Interlude**

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Click. Step. Click. Step. Click. Step. Click. Step.

The clicking of the hard soles of Seamus's uniform shoes on the stone floor echoed down the empty hallway.

He was alone in the middle of the night or perhaps it was the early hours of the morning. Seamus couldn't really tell. He had lost track of his sense of time weeks ago, and had been wandering the deserted corridors of Hogwarts for hours.

Seamus liked it better when the place was empty. He was long past the point of trying to distract himself from the pain. It still burned every time he caught a glimpse of his former best friend, but at night, when he was alone, the pain had begun to shift into numbness. Though, in a few short hours, the bright harshness of the day would flair up the burning ache in his heart.

But for now, he felt deadened to the pain. Like a ghost wandering aimlessly down the hallways of the school. The real ghosts seemed to sense a kindred spirit with the forlorn student, and did not bother him. Even Peeves remained absent.

This night seemed no different from the rest. When Seamus eventually decided to find a corner to sit, he walked slowly up one of the many unused towers adorning the school. However, upon reaching the top he found himself no longer alone.

Sitting on the dusty stone ledge of a large bay window, sat another student. And it could be no other student than the former Malfoy heir. His luminous hair shone in the still bright light of a nearly full moon, as he gracefully tossed small blue stones out the open window.

Seamus, puzzled, watched him for a few minutes. It was distinctly odd seeing the Slytherin doing something so mundane, so human.

The Irishman must have made some small noise, because Draco looked up at him from his perch on the ledge and cocked his head to the left. Neither boy spoke for a moment.

Finally, the blonde Slytherin broke the silence with a soft unobtrusive "Hello". Seamus replied in kind, and Draco turned back to the window and began tossing the little stones again. The Irish boy quietly watched for a few minutes.

After a while Seamus asked, "What are those?"

Seeming a bit startled, as though he had forgotten completely about the Gryffindor's presence, Draco replied, "Conjured pebble lights." He paused, then continued, "You may throw some if you like."

Seamus moved to the ledge and sat down, the other boy placed some of the small pebbles in his hand. Upon closer inspection, he noted that they were not in fact completely blue. They instead were like minute opaque eggshells filled with tiny bits of softly glowing iridescent lights.

Seamus carefully selected one and dropped it out the window watching closely. As it fell, the shell seemed to dissolve into dust and the small lights inside scattered as they slowly twinkled down before disappearing completely.

It was rather beautiful.

And not anything he would have imagined the other boy ever doing.

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Author's note: Sorry about the delay! I had no internet access for a few months, look for more chapters in a few weeks when school starts up again. Thanks for reading!


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